I'm not gonna lie, folks. I've had a rough week. No complaints, just giving myself permission to not act like everything's okay. BUT- i'm not going to dwell on that right now.
Tonight, I had the great honor of sitting with a survivor of the Rwandan genocide that took place in 1994, when he was 8. years. old. People! As I write this, one of my children is sitting on the couch regretting his life because I took his rock mallet away! Insanity! We don't have ANY real problems.
As I listened to this beautiful man with the big, joyful smile recount the history of his war-torn country and his memories of bodies piled up in the streets, the river, everywhere, it was humbling. I know about suffering. I have seen some hard times compared to some. But-I have never known the kind of suffering this man has endured, losing most of his family, losing everything he had in life, and wearing the machete-slice scars on his head from 20 years ago. The most amazing part is that the same suffering that broke many people he knew and destroyed their faith was the same suffering that made his and his family's faith stronger. The power of redemption.
As I'm sitting here tonight, I'm listening to my kids annoy the heck out of each other and whine about what the don't have. We are all stressed out from another day of moving and arguing with each other. I'm reminded of one of the most powerful statements I've ever heard at a 12-step meeting:
"Bitterness says 'I didn't get my way in the past.'
Anger says, 'I'm not getting my way now.'
Fear says, 'I might not get my way in the future.'"
I remember the first time I heard that spoken in a meeting. I asked the person to say it again and then I thought, "wow. That's really it. That's really what it all comes down to. I'm such a baby." I can't speak for everyone, but this statement is true for me. I'm bitter because I didn't get my way in the past. I'm angry because I'm not getting my way now. I'm fearful because I might not get my way in the future. Back to Step One.
