I'm Sorry I Attacked Justin Bieber on Stage

Hey folks! I've been thinking about this post since last week. I sure many of you heard that Justin Bieber was recently attacked on stage. This is major news, right? I'm not a "belieber" myself, not unlike Anne Frank, (Oh Biebs, really?) but I am a big fan of kids. You could probably already tell that by the five kids...anyway...
Well, in the scheme of things of our world, this is not really major news, but it was kind of the Bieber-that-broke-the-camel's-back for me. Being a christian mother of five kids (or any number) it is a constant struggle to help my kids to be "in the world and not of it." (Not sure where that quote comes from). And you know what? Let's put the Christianity aside-because what's good is good. Most of us are good parents who want the best for our children and we can probably all agree on that.

So, did I attack Justin Bieber? Not directly, but I may have contributed to the societal phenomenon that caused his attack. I have heard that if we are not part of the solution, then we are part of the problem.

Justin Bieber used to be a little kid who liked to sing and play the drums. Before he was an adult, he became-like many other child stars have-an object of idolization, ridicule, superstardom, sometimes abuse, and whatever else our fickle media and public opinion think of his actions each day. That is a lot to deal with for a child. It's a lot to deal with for many child stars. Think of every cute little movie/tv/Internet/music sensation that you can that has ended up on drugs, been abused, is an early onset alcoholic, or fill-in-the-blank. And GOD FORBID that you were an adorable kid who turned out to look like an unattractive adult. Many of those kids never work again!

So, what's my point? This is not about good or bad, people. This is about evidence and observation. There seems to be a direct link between celebrity life (for kids AND adults-but let's stick with kids for now) and troubled lives. We have a responsibility to protect out children and also protect other children in any way we can whenever possible. Now, I'm not telling you it our fault. I'm not telling you to boycott the childhood entertainment industry- but I would probably admire you if you did. :) What I AM saying is that I think we have to start talking to our children about this problem and not allowing the media and celebrities have to so much influence in their lives.

Here's some background info on me: My kids love most media, but their favorite is children's entertainment. First, I'll begin by saying that I don't let them watch heavy violence or sexual content because I don't want to fill their heads with thought of things that I would not want them to do in real life. I have heard that kids act out things that they don't understand and they don't know how to process a lot of mature content? That can cause them negative repercussions, emotional trauma, etc.

The REST of children's entertainment is pretty shallow and mildly inappropriate, to say the least.
Here is how I have I chosen to deal with that:
1-I have selected a list of things that my kids enjoy and shows that I don't feel are giving them a warped view of life or a fascination with rebellion and dating.
Result: my kids have a healthier respect for parents and dating and we talk about the shows they watch. They involve me and they understand why I have made these entertainment boundaries.

2-I have also chosen to only have Netflix, Hulu, and the Internet, which I am in charge of and we don't watch commercials normally.
Result: Since my kids stopped watching commercials, they are more grateful for what they have, they aren't always crying and melting down in retail store aisles, and they hate me a lot less.

3-Due to studies I have read about the negative physiological effect of too much media stimulation, We no longer watch TV or play video games on school nights (except for rare treats or much needed mommy breaks).
Result: My house is quieter and I like that. I didn't realize that I was addicted to the noise of the TV. My kids get along better because of our increase in family time. And, they know that they can use the Internet or iPad (when they have been responsible) to use study games and they are leaning more.
** Here's something else that was a pretty profound experience for me: I stopped having the TV babysit my kids and we have a better relationship because of that. This is a miracle folks! When they were little, I was afraid to turn the TV off because I didn't know what I was going to do without it. True story.

4-Then, I made the decision to keep them busy having fun and being creative, so they wouldn't even notice reduction in media consumption. I'm also trying to get us out of the sedentary lifestyle, be more active, play board games and cards, tell stories, grow plants, and the list goes on and on.
Result: more fun & and more love. :)

5-I have also chosen to have some non-judgemental conversations with my two older kids about how their favorite struggling stars are doing and encourage them to pray for them.
Result:my older kids have learned some valuable lessons and they care about the kids in the field of entertainment. They respect them and see them as real people!

6-NOT COOL ALERT!!! This might be a hard one, but I said NO to my kids when they had the desire to make an idol of CHILD performer. Now, we have had t-shirts and some neat school supplies, but it has been within reason. I also did not allow them to build child idol shrines in their bedrooms-you know like home made room dividers made entirely of Joe McIntyre posters like a certain junior high best friend of mine. And I have discouraged long-distance crush affairs that leave you crying in the floor because I didn't get to go to the NKOTB concert and all my friends did! Oh, I mean "them"...and something about "One Direction." ;)

In Closing, i want to make sure that you hear me say that we really enjoy entertainment whenever we reasonably can. We really do. Im not here to point fingers. If I ever do anything right in my life, its almost always the direct result it doing it wrong once or a hundred times- and its no exception in this case. Also, I am not condemning the famous kids, the fanatic kids, or their parents. The industry? Maybe, but this is more about what we can do to be healthy and not contribute to hurting ALL children. So about the list-use it. Don't use it. Make your own. But do SOMETHING. Maybe think twice before you click on the TMZ story about Lilo. Maybe choose not to buy that magazine with the provocative airbrushed photo of someone you know is not legally an adult. I'd love to hear some of your methods too! Please take a minute to comment on this and give me some wisdom or thoughts about this situation. And remember, parents don't let kids look like this:

Washing Your Hair in a Mental Hospital Bathroom

My life is a lot different since I became a mom over 14 years ago. When I was younger, I imagined being a perfect mom, with a perfect marriage, and perfect kids. I started out in 1998 as a natural mom who was going to give birth at home and live off of beans and rice, if that's what it took to stay home with my kids. I wanted a big family and I got it. We had five kids in eight years and I have been pregnant for about four years of my life. (Yes, I l know how that happens and yes, know it's a uterus-not a clown car). I tried for many years to be a perfect mom and have a normal life and I have yet to achieve either.

Fast forward to 2013 and my kids are 14, 12, 9, 8, and 6. I am a widow (divorced, but he has passed-we were still married in the Church). I'm about to have a high school student that occasionally reminds me of the reasons why animals eat their young. I have a tween-age girl and that is a lot harder so far than I EVER imagined. I work full-time, go to school part-time, and feel like I'm aging double-time.

I am slowly trying to let go of normal and perfect. It's pretty stressful and a futile struggle. Although, it CAN be pretty hilarious sometimes when I get in the mode of trying to be all things to all people- you know...after my rage and insanity passes. I recently had a day where I had at least 15 items on the to-do list which included lots of running around with four of the fab five in tow. It was a rough day: fighting, shopping, striking peace accords, begging God for mercy. I was also looking for an outfit for a wedding (that I never made it to) and I though how nice it would be to color my hair. I had been letting my gray grow out for several months as an experiment to see how gray it looks-REALLY gray, turns out. (I blame those kids.) So, I'm coloring my hair for the first time with good color that you paint on and I'm having to redirect, referee, penalize, and holler the whole time. The next thing I realize, I have to be where I'm going next in six minutes. I have two choices: have half a head of dyed hair or keep the hair dye hair on to go visit my friend in a mental health facility. Having no good options to chose from, I opted for the one that would be humiliating for the least amount of time. I put my stinky hair in a bun, put a dark bath towel around my neck, covered it with a scarf, and headed out the door.

When I arrived at my destination, I met my friend who looked very surprised to see me in such a frazzled state and he immediately noticed my new disturbing odor. When my 35 minutes of shame were up, I excused myself to the facilities. I avoided eye contact, made a beeline into a stall, and proceeded to pretend to use the bathroom until it was empty. I walked out of the stall to wash my hair in the sink. Here we go. All or nothing. What I had not thought of before this time was that it was an automatic sink and that there would be no hot water. It just got better and better. While I was playing head tag with the automatic sink I wondered if I should cry, laugh, or just absolutely lose my mind. I was in a mental facility. I would fit right in. Right?

Instead of asking for some medication and a straight jacket I chose to focus on flexibility, being merciful to myself, and making a resolution to plan better next time. Sometimes I feel really sorry for myself because I'm so busy all the time with the demands of single parenting five kids. I wanted the big family, but I never thought I would do it alone. But-my family is beautiful, funny, talented, an adventure, and the most important thing I will ever do or have on this side of eternity; and I'm their only parent. If that's not enough for me, then I'm being unfocused on my vocation, selfish, and ungrateful. Being a mom has changed me, challenged me, and refined me. It is one of the greatest sacrifices a woman can make and I'm working on enjoying the gifts, blessings, and time we have together instead of tolerating it and wishing for more or better. Today, I will stare at them. Hold them and press my cheek against theirs and drink them in. I will laugh. I might cry. I will definitely pray. And I will try not to lose it. But I will. not. miss. a. thing.

There was a time period when they were all smaller and I thought I wasn't going to make it. What was I thinking? But, that passed as I saw them becoming such beautiful people with so many hidden treasures and qualities tha I couldn't see when they were younger. Love and prayers to all the wonderful moms out there-especially of large broods-in whatever state your kids have left you. The following is a quiz I was thinking of using to tell if your a mom of a big family.

How you know you have a lot of kids:
1. You haven't had all of your laundry simultaneously washed, dry, folded, and put away for five years or more.
2. If you've ever had a sore arm and realized you have spanker's elbow.
3. If you have to get to event early for fear that there won't be enough seats together.
4. If you sit or stand in the foyer at most events because you can't ever get there on time.
5. If you buy your toilet paper by the case.
6. If you can't remember the last time you saw a flushed toilet.
7. When you remember the good old days when you used to shower or bathe every day.
8. If you cross your legs when you sneeze.
9. If your two tired to put ten items on this list. Seriously, I'm going to bed now. I may even take a shower.

Your assignment:
Send me some additions to the list! It'll be fun!

Being Careful What You Ask For

At my job, something I've been wishing could happen for the last couple of years is finally happening. I don't know...maybe the stars aligned, maybe not breaking the chain mail worked, or perhaps I just gestured a little differently when I asked this time, but we are finally getting an area enclosed for storage/workspace. It's the little things, right?
Well, anyway, I've been really excited about the nice little benefits that this room will provide and the process is happening months sooner than I expected (which is a miracle where I work.) I've been pleased to see the old things slowly moving out and the new building materials stacking up. So, here's something I hadn't thought of: my office wall is on the other side of this new remodeling process. All of a sudden, I began to hear horribly loud construction sounds and one of my co-workers said, "so, I guess this is what it's going to sound like around here for a while."
I was suddenly struck with dread and asked myself why I didn't think of all the noise and chaos that was going to accompany this new endeavor. I wondered if I would've even asked for the new room if I had thought of how hard it was going to be to put up with the upheaval and discomfort that it would cause me for an unspecified time period. And then-It. Hit. Me.
Isn't that the way I live my whole life? I pray for things that I know are good and I imagine what I think the best plan is-and SURELY that must be God's plan too, right? Because its good!
I am grateful for and humbled by this smack-in-the-face revelation that I want things because I think they're the best, and that's okay sometimes, but that I'm not being open to God's will.
A good friend of mine recently told me that I need to pray for God's mercy and focus less on what I can do to remedy certain situations in my life. It reminded me of one of my favorite things I have learned in my 12 step programs/readings about asking God (my higher power) to do for me what I cannot do for myself. I need to learn to stop trying to be God and control things that are out of my control. I can change some things. I have to accept things I cannot change. I have to submit to a higher power to gain the wisdom to know the difference.
If I could have built the new in my office I would have, but that's not a skill that I possess. If I had that skill I would have built it Myself.
I have also had much work and remodeling in my life and spiritual house needing to be done for years. I have come to realize that I can't fix or control most of that either. Much like my request for the new room, I have prayed for years for God to work on my life and situations and people in my life. And here I am, having asked for things that I couldn't do for myself, thinking I knew the best way for the work to get done, and wishing it wasn't so loud, chaotic, painful, scary, perfect, etc.
So, today I choose to be grateful for the builder. Grateful that he has the skill. That he has the plans. That, even though the building process may be hard to deal with, it will be good. Because the builder loves me and I love Him. Not the builder at my office. That would be creepy. You know what I mean...it's getting really late.