At my job, something I've been wishing could happen for the last couple of years is finally happening. I don't know...maybe the stars aligned, maybe not breaking the chain mail worked, or perhaps I just gestured a little differently when I asked this time, but we are finally getting an area enclosed for storage/workspace. It's the little things, right?
Well, anyway, I've been really excited about the nice little benefits that this room will provide and the process is happening months sooner than I expected (which is a miracle where I work.) I've been pleased to see the old things slowly moving out and the new building materials stacking up. So, here's something I hadn't thought of: my office wall is on the other side of this new remodeling process. All of a sudden, I began to hear horribly loud construction sounds and one of my co-workers said, "so, I guess this is what it's going to sound like around here for a while."
I was suddenly struck with dread and asked myself why I didn't think of all the noise and chaos that was going to accompany this new endeavor. I wondered if I would've even asked for the new room if I had thought of how hard it was going to be to put up with the upheaval and discomfort that it would cause me for an unspecified time period. And then-It. Hit. Me.
Isn't that the way I live my whole life? I pray for things that I know are good and I imagine what I think the best plan is-and SURELY that must be God's plan too, right? Because its good!
I am grateful for and humbled by this smack-in-the-face revelation that I want things because I think they're the best, and that's okay sometimes, but that I'm not being open to God's will.
A good friend of mine recently told me that I need to pray for God's mercy and focus less on what I can do to remedy certain situations in my life. It reminded me of one of my favorite things I have learned in my 12 step programs/readings about asking God (my higher power) to do for me what I cannot do for myself. I need to learn to stop trying to be God and control things that are out of my control. I can change some things. I have to accept things I cannot change. I have to submit to a higher power to gain the wisdom to know the difference.
If I could have built the new in my office I would have, but that's not a skill that I possess. If I had that skill I would have built it Myself.
I have also had much work and remodeling in my life and spiritual house needing to be done for years. I have come to realize that I can't fix or control most of that either. Much like my request for the new room, I have prayed for years for God to work on my life and situations and people in my life. And here I am, having asked for things that I couldn't do for myself, thinking I knew the best way for the work to get done, and wishing it wasn't so loud, chaotic, painful, scary, perfect, etc.
So, today I choose to be grateful for the builder. Grateful that he has the skill. That he has the plans. That, even though the building process may be hard to deal with, it will be good. Because the builder loves me and I love Him. Not the builder at my office. That would be creepy. You know what I mean...it's getting really late.
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