Fast forward to 2013 and my kids are 14, 12, 9, 8, and 6. I am a widow (divorced, but he has passed-we were still married in the Church). I'm about to have a high school student that occasionally reminds me of the reasons why animals eat their young. I have a tween-age girl and that is a lot harder so far than I EVER imagined. I work full-time, go to school part-time, and feel like I'm aging double-time.
I am slowly trying to let go of normal and perfect. It's pretty stressful and a futile struggle. Although, it CAN be pretty hilarious sometimes when I get in the mode of trying to be all things to all people- you know...after my rage and insanity passes. I recently had a day where I had at least 15 items on the to-do list which included lots of running around with four of the fab five in tow. It was a rough day: fighting, shopping, striking peace accords, begging God for mercy. I was also looking for an outfit for a wedding (that I never made it to) and I though how nice it would be to color my hair. I had been letting my gray grow out for several months as an experiment to see how gray it looks-REALLY gray, turns out. (I blame those kids.) So, I'm coloring my hair for the first time with good color that you paint on and I'm having to redirect, referee, penalize, and holler the whole time. The next thing I realize, I have to be where I'm going next in six minutes. I have two choices: have half a head of dyed hair or keep the hair dye hair on to go visit my friend in a mental health facility. Having no good options to chose from, I opted for the one that would be humiliating for the least amount of time. I put my stinky hair in a bun, put a dark bath towel around my neck, covered it with a scarf, and headed out the door.
When I arrived at my destination, I met my friend who looked very surprised to see me in such a frazzled state and he immediately noticed my new disturbing odor. When my 35 minutes of shame were up, I excused myself to the facilities. I avoided eye contact, made a beeline into a stall, and proceeded to pretend to use the bathroom until it was empty. I walked out of the stall to wash my hair in the sink. Here we go. All or nothing. What I had not thought of before this time was that it was an automatic sink and that there would be no hot water. It just got better and better. While I was playing head tag with the automatic sink I wondered if I should cry, laugh, or just absolutely lose my mind. I was in a mental facility. I would fit right in. Right?
Instead of asking for some medication and a straight jacket I chose to focus on flexibility, being merciful to myself, and making a resolution to plan better next time. Sometimes I feel really sorry for myself because I'm so busy all the time with the demands of single parenting five kids. I wanted the big family, but I never thought I would do it alone. But-my family is beautiful, funny, talented, an adventure, and the most important thing I will ever do or have on this side of eternity; and I'm their only parent. If that's not enough for me, then I'm being unfocused on my vocation, selfish, and ungrateful. Being a mom has changed me, challenged me, and refined me. It is one of the greatest sacrifices a woman can make and I'm working on enjoying the gifts, blessings, and time we have together instead of tolerating it and wishing for more or better. Today, I will stare at them. Hold them and press my cheek against theirs and drink them in. I will laugh. I might cry. I will definitely pray. And I will try not to lose it. But I will. not. miss. a. thing.
There was a time period when they were all smaller and I thought I wasn't going to make it. What was I thinking? But, that passed as I saw them becoming such beautiful people with so many hidden treasures and qualities tha I couldn't see when they were younger. Love and prayers to all the wonderful moms out there-especially of large broods-in whatever state your kids have left you. The following is a quiz I was thinking of using to tell if your a mom of a big family.
How you know you have a lot of kids:
1. You haven't had all of your laundry simultaneously washed, dry, folded, and put away for five years or more.
2. If you've ever had a sore arm and realized you have spanker's elbow.
3. If you have to get to event early for fear that there won't be enough seats together.
4. If you sit or stand in the foyer at most events because you can't ever get there on time.
5. If you buy your toilet paper by the case.
6. If you can't remember the last time you saw a flushed toilet.
7. When you remember the good old days when you used to shower or bathe every day.
8. If you cross your legs when you sneeze.
9. If your two tired to put ten items on this list. Seriously, I'm going to bed now. I may even take a shower.
Your assignment:
Send me some additions to the list! It'll be fun!
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