“Can I punch him in the face and get it over with? and other things that I did and didn’t learn at Church last Sunday.”
You know what I remember about church last weekend? I remember my 8-year-old asking me “can I punch him in the face and get it over with?” Really? After over 13 years of being a mom, this is the depth of my church-going experience? Why do I even bother going? Or, why don’t I go to a church that keeps my kids busy while I have my own personal, in-depth, faith experience?
I’ll tell you why. When my kids grow up, I want them to remember us all piled into the pew, sitting in the back, sometimes fighting, sometimes not, sometimes listening, sometimes not, sometimes hating each other, sometimes not, but always, ALWAYS, being faithful. I love that about my church. Now, don’t get me wrong, after serving in ministry since 1997, I think it’s great that so many churches have moved to the trend of relocating children to their own “children’s church” programs. I think that serves the purpose of building strong peer Christian relationships and having you OWN faith. This can also be accomplished by attending a great youth groups, in addition to going to church with a family.
However, there are a few things that I hope my children learn from going to church with us “big folks” that can’t be taught in children’s church. I want them to learn how to lead a family and impart their faith to their children. I want my daughter to know what it’s like to cuddle her sleeping babies and internalize the teachings of our filial God who relates to us as a parent. I want my children to remember how I read them the lines just before it was time to sing each line of the songs and do the same for their children. I want them to remember me praying over them during church, and do the same. I want them to hear the praises that I whispered over them along with the words of the liturgy and feel them echo in their grown-up souls. I want my sons to learn how to wrap their arms firmly around their wives shoulders and, simultaneously, balance a kid on each knee. I want them to remember that it must have been very important and THEY must have been very important. Oh, these things and much, much more.
The Most Reverend Gregory Luyet of the Diocese of Little Rock once addressed the behavior of children during church. As I prepared for his correction of how I let my kids go wild and readied myself to view the proud faces of fellow church members wishing he had addressed this with me long ago, my face burned. Much to my surprise, he said, “I’d like to talk about the issue of babies crying and kids making noise in church. I’d rather hear the sound of a baby crying in church than the sound of dry bones rattling in the pew.” (or something like that) He went on to talk about how children are an integral part of the church. And the crowd went wild. Oh wait, that was just me-in my heart!!! Friends, as a mom who had five kids in eight years, that was very healing for me.
Now, let me tell you about one of the most beautiful, life-changing moments of my life. During one of the darkest periods of my life, I would take my 1,3, & 4 year old boys to church each morning after I dropped my oldest off at school. Yes, every morning. One morning, we were business as usual and my three-year-old approached me to kneel on my lap, suck his fingers, nuzzle his face into my neck, and get me to cuddle him. He had done this countless times. It was our “thing.” This time was slightly different. This time, the instant before he assumed his position of love, he said, “O.K. Mom, you be God and I’ll be Jesus.” Without skipping a beat, he began to “cuddle me.” (his title for the custom)
My whole life changed that day. I had never, in my whole life, thought of God and Jesus as a parent with a cuddling child in His lap. St. Thomas Aquinas said that the Holy Spirit is the eternal love of the Father and Son. This immediately brings to mind Romans 8:15, which states that we “have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons and daughters, by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" (emphasis added) What this means to me is that God wants to make me his child and he wants to be my parent. This implies intimacy, reality, and deep emotional connection and love.
My three-year-old son knew the mystery of how the Father loved the Son and sent forth his Spirit of adoption to make us his children and be filled with his love and presence! Is this abnormal? I don’t think it is. I believe that ALL children reveal the secrets of God that only the purest of heart understand. What my son did NOT know was that I had been looking for that kind of love for 32 years. That was what I was missing. Lack of THAT love was what made the hole in my heart, which led me to run to so many other things for fulfillment. This is often referred to as the “God-shaped hole.” I mean it when I say that this experience changed my life forever-and it would’ve never happened if he hadn’t been in church with me.
So, on that day, while we sat in church, we mirrored the love relationship between God and His people. What about all the other days when I’m sweaty, angry (but still love them), and appalled at my children’s apparent lack of concern for their own needs and my feelings? Well, on those days, we mirror the parent/child relationship that we all have with God. I’m so glad that God doesn’t dwell on all the times that He has tried to get me to listen, or sit down and be still, or stop showing-off in front of people, or obey, or stop fighting, or just-be-quiet. But just as I do for my children, he doesn’t stop loving me, he doesn’t stop trying to reach me, and he doesn’t give up on me.
So, the next time you are sweating it out at church with your kids, remember that you are investing in their futures, the futures of the people around you, the future of The Church, and your own future. Also remember, as is the case with many things in life-IT GETS BETTER. Hang in there…
